I feel like i'm going mental...i've lost something so ingrained in me that i feel as though i've lost a limb, more than a limb, like i've lost my soul.
I have no direction, i'm going in all directions.
I have a 1000 thoughts a second, anger, saddness, regret, hope, bitterness, love, hate, pain, destruction so many more, my head doesn't seem to want to rest, I can't sleep for the voices in my head creating scenarios that will never be played out in real life, that bring tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat, stir a feeling of sickness in my stomach. I can't swallow food, I feel guilty for laughing, I have no desire to do anything but sleep and I can't.
I've lost my best friend
Wednesday, 26 November 2008
Thursday, 14 February 2008
Valentines Day
I have composed a little song (feel free to make up the tune in your head as your sing it to yourself):
I'm alone on Valentines day
Boo Hoo
Boo Hoo
I'm all alone this Valentines Day
Sniff Sniff
Sniff Sniff
Do I care? not at all!
Do I care? not at all!
I'm alone this Valetines Day
Going to spend it with my motheeeeeeeeeeeer
Do I care? not at all!
Do I care? not at all!
Repeat and fade
peace out xxx
I'm alone on Valentines day
Boo Hoo
Boo Hoo
I'm all alone this Valentines Day
Sniff Sniff
Sniff Sniff
Do I care? not at all!
Do I care? not at all!
I'm alone this Valetines Day
Going to spend it with my motheeeeeeeeeeeer
Do I care? not at all!
Do I care? not at all!
Repeat and fade
peace out xxx
Wednesday, 13 February 2008
Tuesday, 12 February 2008
Love at first sight huh - does it exist? I'm starting to think maybe it does.
I've passed people in the street/at a club before and my stomach has turned fair play. I've had relationships with people and been in love.
I can at times be a romantic and so the idea of love at first sight appeals to this side however my pessimistic nature allows me to believe that it only happens to a few lucky people and most certainly not me.
Well Friday night I fell in love from the turn of a head and the flash of a smile.
I know I'll see this girl again, I don't know when but I do and it's going to take all the inner strength that I have not to lick her face, it's not just my stomach that turns when I picture the look she gave me...cold shower needed - quickly!!
peace out xxx
I've passed people in the street/at a club before and my stomach has turned fair play. I've had relationships with people and been in love.
I can at times be a romantic and so the idea of love at first sight appeals to this side however my pessimistic nature allows me to believe that it only happens to a few lucky people and most certainly not me.
Well Friday night I fell in love from the turn of a head and the flash of a smile.
I know I'll see this girl again, I don't know when but I do and it's going to take all the inner strength that I have not to lick her face, it's not just my stomach that turns when I picture the look she gave me...cold shower needed - quickly!!
peace out xxx
Tuesday, 5 February 2008
I have no secrets I tell no lies
Oh but have I been a busy girl lately.
Busy in a social butterfly way and I love it, I absolutely love it.
My liver, skin, stomach and lungs feel differently, they all feel as though they might fall out of my arse any minute in a mass exodus.
My lovely lovely boy from Wales came to stay and I reverted back to my old habits of drinking way too much and lusting after people I shouldn't.
IN TOTAL:
Parties I have attended: 1
Clubs I have been to: 4
Most amount of clubs in one night: 3
Nights I went to three clubs: 3
Bars I have been to: 10
Full English Breakfasts: 4
Cigarettes: 100,000
Alcohol units: 100,000,000 (including, long island iced Teas, Cheeky Vimto's, Jaeger Bombers, Godfather's, whiskey and coke, vodka and coke, Wine, Tequila, Rose Tequila, Tuaca, Champagne)
Sofa's I have slept on: 2
All day hangovers I have had: 4
Girls I have wanted to take home and lock in my bedroom: 2
Times I have looked like an arse dancing: 100,000,000,000
Telephone numbers obtained of nice friendly lesbians I will make be my friends: 1
I have had so much fun but now I am weary and a little down in the dumps, I want my boy to move back to Brighton, I want to be head over heels in love and I want all the money in the world so I can give up work and party like last week forever.
Ooijj I need time to be clever for the secrets and lies, come back and I'll have something ultra cool *panics* - maybe give me a month or two!!
peace out xxx
Busy in a social butterfly way and I love it, I absolutely love it.
My liver, skin, stomach and lungs feel differently, they all feel as though they might fall out of my arse any minute in a mass exodus.
My lovely lovely boy from Wales came to stay and I reverted back to my old habits of drinking way too much and lusting after people I shouldn't.
IN TOTAL:
Parties I have attended: 1
Clubs I have been to: 4
Most amount of clubs in one night: 3
Nights I went to three clubs: 3
Bars I have been to: 10
Full English Breakfasts: 4
Cigarettes: 100,000
Alcohol units: 100,000,000 (including, long island iced Teas, Cheeky Vimto's, Jaeger Bombers, Godfather's, whiskey and coke, vodka and coke, Wine, Tequila, Rose Tequila, Tuaca, Champagne)
Sofa's I have slept on: 2
All day hangovers I have had: 4
Girls I have wanted to take home and lock in my bedroom: 2
Times I have looked like an arse dancing: 100,000,000,000
Telephone numbers obtained of nice friendly lesbians I will make be my friends: 1
I have had so much fun but now I am weary and a little down in the dumps, I want my boy to move back to Brighton, I want to be head over heels in love and I want all the money in the world so I can give up work and party like last week forever.
Ooijj I need time to be clever for the secrets and lies, come back and I'll have something ultra cool *panics* - maybe give me a month or two!!
peace out xxx
Friday, 11 January 2008
There are certain noises that get my hackles up.
These being some of the obvious; nails on a blackboard, people chewing with their mouths open, my mother tapping her knife against her plate...
More recently though there is this girl that I work with who just gets my blood boiling.
She just wont shut up, I'm talking non stop noise - currently she is half whistling half singing bits from the Jungle book. Now that doesn't sound too bad however she has already changed the tune and is now singing to herself under her breath just so that you can hear the noise but not what it is.
Now I'm the boss round here and I have asked her/told to be quite so that people can work (the whole time the irrational part of my brain is screaming "SHUT THE FUCK UP") yet she fails to get the picture. I'm really not sure what part of "guys I need a bit of quite time as I really have to concentrate to get this done in time" she cant understand.
Is it that difficult to maybe NOT sigh every 5 mins, swear at yourself, sing, speak the words you are typing, remind yourself that you are meeting your sister for lunch, tell yourself how bad that particular customer is,how annoyed you are, I think she even types loudly, the list is endless and I am convinced she is doing it deliberately.
She seems to just emit noises willingly like great big verbal farts and it pains me greatly.
She also has this laugh that goes right through you I mean like needles in your eyes - it is the fakest laugh, she trills and gawps really you have to hear/see it to believe it - it's a violation.
Anyway - I feel better now
She is a sweet girl - but dense, really really dense which is why I can't stay mad at her for being so damn annoying.
Ha - just as I'm about to post this - she's started alternating between gun noises and the Jungle Book - gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah - somebody save me!!!!!
These being some of the obvious; nails on a blackboard, people chewing with their mouths open, my mother tapping her knife against her plate...
More recently though there is this girl that I work with who just gets my blood boiling.
She just wont shut up, I'm talking non stop noise - currently she is half whistling half singing bits from the Jungle book. Now that doesn't sound too bad however she has already changed the tune and is now singing to herself under her breath just so that you can hear the noise but not what it is.
Now I'm the boss round here and I have asked her/told to be quite so that people can work (the whole time the irrational part of my brain is screaming "SHUT THE FUCK UP") yet she fails to get the picture. I'm really not sure what part of "guys I need a bit of quite time as I really have to concentrate to get this done in time" she cant understand.
Is it that difficult to maybe NOT sigh every 5 mins, swear at yourself, sing, speak the words you are typing, remind yourself that you are meeting your sister for lunch, tell yourself how bad that particular customer is,how annoyed you are, I think she even types loudly, the list is endless and I am convinced she is doing it deliberately.
She seems to just emit noises willingly like great big verbal farts and it pains me greatly.
She also has this laugh that goes right through you I mean like needles in your eyes - it is the fakest laugh, she trills and gawps really you have to hear/see it to believe it - it's a violation.
Anyway - I feel better now
She is a sweet girl - but dense, really really dense which is why I can't stay mad at her for being so damn annoying.
Ha - just as I'm about to post this - she's started alternating between gun noises and the Jungle Book - gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah - somebody save me!!!!!
Thursday, 10 January 2008
Soooooooo
I have been a lazy Spants recently haven't I!?
FYI - Things that have taken up my time recently:
1)Work (it's crazy busy - I thought people took Christmas off?!)
2)Revising for exams (which didn't go so well - damn the internet damn the TV and damn my friends for distracting me)
3)CHRISTMAS
4)My "special" internet friend
5)My mother
All of which have contributed to the further twisting and folding of my sanity. Something that to be frank (or betty will do - snarf/geek laugh) really doesn't need to get any worse.
I think that it's perfectly clear (that reminds me of a Tori Amos song listen to it: The Wrong Band - from the Under the Pink album in fact listen to the whole album - it's a bit random but fun) that I'm slightly losing grip on life/reality at the moment.
If at any point anybody wants to send me some kind of help (preferably a hot foreign ladeeee tied up in a bow) please do, otherwise pray for me, or have a drink for me, or spare a thought for me, or just um run from me?!
FYI - Things that have taken up my time recently:
1)Work (it's crazy busy - I thought people took Christmas off?!)
2)Revising for exams (which didn't go so well - damn the internet damn the TV and damn my friends for distracting me)
3)CHRISTMAS
4)My "special" internet friend
5)My mother
All of which have contributed to the further twisting and folding of my sanity. Something that to be frank (or betty will do - snarf/geek laugh) really doesn't need to get any worse.
I think that it's perfectly clear (that reminds me of a Tori Amos song listen to it: The Wrong Band - from the Under the Pink album in fact listen to the whole album - it's a bit random but fun) that I'm slightly losing grip on life/reality at the moment.
If at any point anybody wants to send me some kind of help (preferably a hot foreign ladeeee tied up in a bow) please do, otherwise pray for me, or have a drink for me, or spare a thought for me, or just um run from me?!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
